The Last Wish

A Telgu short story by Namani Sujanadevi

Trans. by Prof. E. Ram Bhaskar Raju  

The fate of a living mother is sanctified by the will of a dead mother!

I felt a sense of apprehension and confusion in my mind. It's been a week since the doctor's appointment, yet despite the passing of two hours, there's still a crowd of patients outside, unable to get in.

The patient waiting hall is quite spacious and open. Everyone is seated on the chairs provided, including the patients and their loved ones. The Sister and Compounder diligently perform their duties, recording the names, appointment numbers, and serial numbers of patients in the register. They also guide patients, informing them about the consultation room, where to go for tests, and how and when to take their prescription drugs with necessary caution. However, another junior doctor takes the time to measure the height and weight of each patient and records it on the prescription before sending them to the senior doctor's room in an organised manner.

Several programmes are broadcast on the television set in the open hall. The sound played is typically moderate to provide entertainment for those attending, ensuring a hassle-free experience.

Hanumayamma sat anxiously, eagerly awaiting the doctor's call. After nearly two hours of waiting, she shifted restlessly in her seat, unable to sit still any longer. She was breathing heavily.  Upon witnessing that, my heart was filled with sorrow. Mom's health has been deteriorating since last week. There seems to be a heart problem. "Please complete these tests as soon as possible and bring the reports," the doctor requested. After completing all the tests at the hospital he mentioned, I have now brought all the reports to show to the doctor.

Despite having made an appointment in advance and receiving recommendations from people who knew my mother's condition, she, unfortunately, had to endure a long wait due to the doctor's busy schedule and the large number of patients. Heart disease affects everyone, so the pain experienced by anyone is just as significant as anyone else's.

Meanwhile, as soon as the sister called out “Hanumayamma Garu”, I immediately became aware and followed my mother into the consultation room.

Almost everything appears favourable to your mother's heart. Her heart is remarkably efficient compared to others her age. By the way, one interesting fact about the valves in the heart is that the mitral valve only allows blood to flow forward, preventing any backward flow. However, it also causes blood to flow backwards in your mother's heart! There are three types of this problem: mild, moderate, and severe. This situation is quite difficult for your mother. It can be extremely perilous, to the point where survival may not be guaranteed until reaching the closest hospital. “The most effective solution would be to perform Open Heart Surgery and replace the valve with an artificial one,” the Doctor explained.

The Doctor's statement was quite alarming. “And my mother's age is over 76 now, Doctor! Can she withstand the replacement of a valve at this age?” I enquired.

"It's not a major issue. It's something that people her age go through and they all turn out fine. However, if it's not addressed, it could become very risky," he explained. I felt my mind go blank and suddenly found myself feeling lost. 

The next morning, Vasu, a close friend in my office, came to know about the matter and said, “If you don't mind, can I share something with you?” he asked.

Hey there! What are these words between us? Please tell me openly.” said I.

“It’s nothing too serious, indeed!  Is it really necessary to subject the mother to such an operation at this age? Please provide me with the information. Is it possible for her to maintain her health and happiness after the operation? Please justify your decision even after listening to my idea.” said Vasu. I can confirm that to be completely accurate. Not saying anything, Vasu asked again, “Isn't it? Hello Raghava! Use rational thinking. There is no issue with money in this situation. I can tell that you have a deep affection for your mother! Do you have confidence that your mother will fully recover after this operation?”.

“If the operation is not completed and something unexpected occurs, I will carry the burden of regret for the rest of my life,” I expressed.

Agreed! I am aware of your deep affection for your mother. However, it is worth noting that my grandmother has been enduring this issue for the past six years. The doctors expressed the same sentiment, yet despite the absence of the operation, she continues to thrive after six years. Occasionally, she becomes overwhelmed and loses consciousness. Furthermore, if she requires another hospital visit, she can expect a speedy recovery within a mere two days thanks to the effectiveness of the minor treatments. Based on my understanding, Open Heart Surgery may not be necessary at this age for her. Despite the surgery, the pain will still be quite intense. Is it really necessary to exert so much effort at this stage of life? "Think again," Vasu said. The thought made me feel uneasy. "What Vasu said is undeniably true." I pondered to myself, "I don't want to cause any pain to my mother at this stage of life."

*****

The following day, I gathered my younger brother, sister, and brother-in-law at the house to discuss the situation and seek their advice on what steps to take. Everyone questioned aloud, "Should we dare to take the risk?" Let's proceed with the operation right away. I found myself unable to respond to Vasu's insinuations. I have decided to collect funds for the operation from various sources.

At the same time, my mother attended my trial to secure funds for the operation. She gave me a call and said, "My dear son, Raghava!  You are already going through a lot. You are living beyond your financial capabilities. I don't want to burden you with my pain anymore, my friend!  No action is necessary. Spending a few days like this is sufficient. My legs have already been dragged into the burial ground. Am I afraid of death? From our family talk, she discovered that I had pawned my wife's jewellery and taken loans from the office. The sight of my mother's hand clasping mine filled me with a sense of solace and empathy.

***

Dr. Srinivas, the cardiologist I saw that day, exclaimed, "Look, Mr. Raghava! I only specialise in performing stents. However, the operation will be performed by a different doctor. We proceeded to visit Dr. Ravi Kumar after receiving information about him. He strongly recommended that we proceed with the Open Heart Operation for my mother without delay. The surgery, nonetheless, was completed.  Despite this, the pain resurfaced after three days, leading the doctor to diagnose her with "Pericardial Effusion," a condition characterised by the buildup of fluid around the heart. It could occur due to her inherent physical abilities. Dr. Ravi Kumar suggested that the operation be repeated and the water be removed.  After four days, the second operation was performed once more. My mother's stay in the ICU lasted thirteen days instead of the expected three days. The patient was connected to a ventilator, and once stable, the oxygen mask was gradually removed. After ensuring she could breathe normally, she was discharged as per usual protocol. The mother faced challenges in speaking during the initial days after the installation of the ventilators. For the first four to five days, she was unable to speak at all due to the presence of a pipe inserted through her mouth.

It's only been a few days since she arrived back home. The wound became infected and developed sepsis. Mother went through a terrible ordeal of pain, whether it was due to the same operation as the first one, the close proximity of the two operations, or inadequate nutrition. The reasons remain unknown.

She experienced intense pain once again after dealing with the side effects of antibiotics, insufficient protein intake, and difficulty eating without vomiting. As a result, I contacted the ambulance and she was promptly transported back to the hospital. Right from the start, she had a dislike for eggs and meat, and her health worsened as she began to vomit after every meal.

The administration of IV fluid was a challenging task due to the patient's weakened state and the difficulty in locating the nerve for insertion. It is recommended to repeat this three times a day. Swollen legs. According to him, the overuse of antibiotics is causing harm to the kidneys, which in turn affects various organs. According to him, her body was not in a state to handle kidney dialysis. Additionally, as a result of a heart infection, vacuum therapy was performed to remove the pus surrounding the heart to facilitate the healing process.

According to Dr. Ravi Kumar, there is no benefit in keeping it like this. How long do you plan on maintaining it in its current state? Let's conduct a blood test to determine the cause of her slow recovery. Upon examination, it is evident that her blood levels are significantly low. To address this, we recommend a blood transfusion, iron injections, and protein supplements to aid in her health recovery.  Great care is taken in all such matters. After just ten days, the mother's health showed a remarkable improvement. I experienced a slight increase in happiness. We were eager to bring mother back home. However, the Doctors recommended that we opt for residential vacuum therapy on a rental basis at home once every five days, costing one lakh rupees per month. Mother has returned home now. The wound has been successfully reduced from four fingers wide to two fingers wide. The skin around the wound healed and returned to its normal state over time.

The Albumin injection was administered as an IV fluid to address leg swelling in the hospital. It was a painless and infection-free procedure. The doctor mentioned that if there were no bacteria present in the wound, the test could be conducted and the injection could be self-administered at home every two days to alleviate leg swelling. However, shortly after beginning the treatment at home, my mother experienced intense pain, prompting us to quickly transport her to the hospital in an ambulance.

After a thorough examination in the Critical Care Unit, the doctors determined that while the 'Efficiency Care' is typically above 60% for a normal person, it is only 30% for her heart. After two days, "even if you extend your stay for another 15 days, the situation will remain the same. Resting on the bed all the time is quite complaint-free. The heart is not very strong. So take care," said the doctors as they discharged her and sent her home.

Approximately four days after bringing my mother home, she had to be rushed back to the hospital in an ambulance due to intense pain and breathing difficulties. As we were being transported to the hospital, my mother reached out for Janaki's hand, who was seated beside me in the ambulance. With tears in her eyes, she pleaded, "Please don't leave me alone at the hospital! Let one of you stay with me always!" Overwhelmed with emotion, Janaki and I both grasped our mother's hand and reassured her, "We will be by your side, Mother."

At that moment, I was unaware of the situation. When we arrived at the hospital, we found ourselves completely reliant on the expertise of the doctors. It was as if we were mere puppets in the hands of a higher power. We had no choice but to heed the doctors' instructions. By the time my mother was admitted, her condition had deteriorated to a concerning 20 per cent heart function. It seemed as though her heart had stopped before the doctor intervened. With a gentle thump and immediate first aid, there was a slight sign of life. Ventilators were employed to sustain her heart's function. Due to the strict protocols, we were not allowed inside the room. However, we were granted brief visits by seeking permission from those waiting outside. During one of my visits, I was taken aback to see my mother attempting to remove the tubes by tying her hands to the bed.

Mother's eyes were filled with tears, which caught my attention. Curious, I asked the sister, "No, sir. The pipes are not being properly maintained. This is the method we will employ to deter those who engage in such behaviour. This is a typical occurrence. Otherwise, the breath ceases abruptly when the pipes are removed. I have been observing you for months. It's clear that you have a deep love for your mother. Exceptionally uncommon, just like you, sir! Putting in a lot of effort! "We are doing everything we can," said the Sister, offering comfort to Raghava. 

After coming out, tears streamed down my face. Janaki, who stood beside me, tried to comfort me, but her efforts were futile. I blamed myself for not heeding Vasu's advice and causing distress to Mother while she was still alive. If I had refused the operation, would I have been seen as a villain by my sister, brother, and brother-in-law? Would that have been the right thing to do? Although the pain would linger with me forever, I resolved to face it. However, I couldn't help but curse myself for choosing to make things harder for Mother.

The doctor arrived unexpectedly at three o'clock in the morning to deliver the heartbreaking news. Janaki rushed inside, sobbing and calling out for her mother-in-law. I was left in a state of shock, unable to comprehend the reality that our beloved mother was gone forever.

*****

Later, my brother and sister-in-law oversaw all the death rites. My emotions were crushing, like a volcano ready to erupt. My eyes were dry, devoid of any tears. I couldn't focus on anything except the practical tasks at hand. After the cremation, everyone was exhausted and quickly fell asleep. My eyes burned with exhaustion, resembling the fiery glow of charcoal. Sleep eluded me as tears streamed down my face like a dammed pond finally bursting. I couldn't bring myself to look at the photo of my mother lying on the floor, as memories of her on the ventilator consumed my thoughts, leaving me heartbroken and in tears.

Meanwhile, a gentle hand on my shoulder lifted me and offered solace with a comforting hug.

"Hey, Raghava! What's going on? I've been observing you closely and it seems like you're really focused on something. Remember when the doctors said your mother's health was uncertain? There's more to it than that. Come on, tell me. I'm your maternal uncle, your mother's brother. I'm here for you, just like your parents would be. You can confide in me about anything. He's reassured me countless times. But even after asking so many times,

"I took my mother's life ... I took it, uncle! I put my mother through hell with my hands. There is no forgiveness for my sin," Raghava sobbed. I wept as I confessed the truth.

"What exactly is that nonsense? You even attempted to sell gold to help your mother recover from her illness. Circumstances are important. What should we do? How could you harm her, driven by your own madness! Stay calm and make wise decisions," said the maternal uncle, gently grasping Raghava's shoulders to offer comfort to his troubled heart.

Raghava firmly objected, "No Uncle! You have no understanding of what transpired that night!"

"Which specific night is it? What precisely occurred therein?" Uncle exclaimed, taken aback.

I sat outside the Emergency Ward with Janaki. That night, the image of Mother being tied up like that was absolutely heartbreaking. Her final plea, "Don't leave me alone!" kept echoing in my mind. As Janaki slumped tiredly onto the chair, I found it impossible to sleep!

It was well past two early in the morning.  I obtained his consent to visit my mother and entered the ICU. The two duty doctors who were attending to the patients inside were also seated on the chairs, engaged in conversation.

Green curtains are placed between patients to ensure privacy and maintain a safe environment. The rest of the patients were sound asleep. I made my way to my mother's room with caution. Mother's face brightened with joy upon laying eyes on me. The eyes were already streaming tears, forming thick patches. She made a gesture. I noticed that she was unable to speak because of the ventilator, so I retrieved a pen and paper from my pocket for her to write on. She requested that I remove the ventilator bands.  After searching the area, I noticed that there was no one around. Without hesitation, I quickly released Mother from the ventilator.

Then she began writing on the paper, “Ramudu! Could you please fulfil my final request? Please, I beg you; release me from this unbearable suffering! It's incredibly frustrating to have constant itching and not be able to find relief. I am having a terrible time with the ventilator!  If you could kindly loosen the bandage on my hand, I would be able to remove the ventilator myself without any issues. I deeply appreciate your affection for me, My Saviour! However, I humbly ask for forgiveness and seek salvation. As soon as I took it out, pour some drinking water into my mouth and put the ventilator again as usual.”   

As I read Mother's lines, I couldn't help but wonder if this was her final wish..."I felt a sense of helplessness as I witnessed my mother's tears. Unsure of what to do, my tears fell as I gently released her from the ventilator. It was a tragic moment, as my mother took her own life before my eyes. I found myself doing something unimaginable for a child. My mother used to say, “anayasena maranam vinadainyena jivanam” (Lord Krishna! Give me death without pain, grant me a life where I'm not dependent on anyone…). I found myself helpless. “The weight of my sin is unforgivable,” I whispered, my head bowed before my mother's photograph. “Please, find it in your heart to forgive this sinner,” I sobbed.

My uncle was also taken aback by my distress. After witnessing me in such an emotional state,

"My Boy, Raghava!" Can you guide how to absolve oneself of sin?" said my uncle.  I found myself in a state of confusion. He spoke with a deliberate pace. Just at that moment, the flower in the photo of my mother unexpectedly fell on my head while I was lost in thought.

The following day, during the death rites, despite the heartfelt prayers of everyone present, not a single crow appeared to partake in the food that was offered in honour of my mother. No crows in sight. Later, my uncle approached me and requested, "Please inform your mother about our conversation from yesterday." "If it brings her joy, crows eventually come to accept the food on the leaf plate offered to your mother," Uncle remarked. When everyone was calling me to pray, I lowered my head and whispered, "Mother! Mother!! I will carry out Uncle's request and if it brings you joy, a crow will appear in your form and accept our offerings on the leaf plate.

I humbly lowered my head before the spread, refraining from lifting it fully. I am completely bewildered! Out of nowhere, a flock of crows and birds materialised. I stood up in astonishment and walked away. The expanse of the leaf plate is filled with the croaking of crows as everything is served. A pair of heavy tears rolled down my cheeks. They aren't always tears. Tears of joy streamed down my face.

My uncle expressed concern about an elderly woman in their village who is in a dire situation and has no one to care for her. He mentioned that if he were to take on the responsibility of looking after her, it would bring peace to his mother's heart.

When I went to pick her up after the tenth-day death rite, she called out my name with the same familiar tone as my mother used to, “Dear Boy, Ramudu…!” It's remarkable how the love in those eyes resembles the love in a mother's eyes! As she settled into the car, the distant bells of the temple rang with a promising sound, like a sign of good things to come. Very promising! Good luck! Everyone around let out a collective sigh of relief. The fate of a living mother is sanctified by the will of a dead mother! This is what God’s Grace is!